Monday, 8 May 2017

13 Reasons Why Review

I watched a series called '13 Reasons Why' on Netflix and couldn't stop watching. Lots of people recommended me to watch it but I really thought I wouldn't like it and was adament I would never watch. But once I finished 'Girl Boss' (Yes, I have finished it already), I needed something to watch the week after my marathon as I was going to relax, sleep and eat whatever I wanted. 

This was a hard series to watch at times, but so informative and in a way inspiring. The acting, was spot on.  It shown parts of reality, that people are going through these horrible situations whilst everyone else is rushing around dealing with their own lives, not thinking about others and hooked on social media. 

Mental health, bullying, rape, are all topics that need to be talked about a lot more, and finally there is a series that addresses them. Many generations have brushed over their feelings, emotions and situations and finally there is a generation that actually wants to talk. 

It makes you realise, watching this series, when someone says they are not ok, to be there for them. I know for a fact I have said many times I am not ok, and it hurts when not many people are there for you. But you kind of have to keep talking about it to get through it, and eventually there will be a person that listens. 

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Friday, 5 May 2017

I Can't Stop!

I wrote a post a long time ago all about hair pulling. Trichotillomania it's called. I had only just found out what it was called when I wrote that post, but all I knew was that I couldn't stop pulling my hair out. 

I wanted to write this post as not many people know about it, and I have heard that some people around me have started doing it too. I get so upset looking at my, what was beautiful hair, to now a bald, thin haired 22 year old that is now struggling to cover up the fact I have no hair at the top of my head. I get so scared my hair bobble will go loose and my hair will show the horrible damage I have done to myself. 

Many people don't take hair pulling seriously, but it is a form of self harm, a way to deal with stress and maybe even a comfort when upset. I no longer realise I pull my hair and is now a habit. I have been for counselling, to the doctors, had hypnosis, acupunture, the list carries on, but I still do it. I was told I need to stop hiding from my fears and problems and deal with the emotions I try and put to the back of my head. I need to deal with everything and then maybe I will be able to stop. 

Do you know anyone who suffers? 


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Monday, 1 May 2017

I DID IT!

It's been a challenging six months emotionally and physically. From getting donations to training at the gym, running and then still trying to find energy to do all the day to day jobs in between. But it's finally over!

Sunday 23rd April 2017, one of the scariest, best days of my life. And  I can officially say I'm one of the finishers from the London Marathon. Also, I hit my sponsor target and then some!!

I was surprised how upbeat and positive I was feeling on the day, yes there were nerves, but I just wanted to get to that finish line. The emotions that went through my body on that day was like a rollercoaster. At times I was focused, calm, happy and at other times I was in pain, emotional and crying. 14 miles in my knee decided it had enough and from there to the end I really struggled. I felt myself moaning 'is it over yet',my knee in serious pain, 'where are my friends and family' and was feeling anxious and upset that I hadn't seen them yet. But at mile 22, I finally seen them, got my knee support on and limped to the finish line.

Stumbling up The Mall was so emotional, I had watched The London Marathon for many, many years on the TV, always saying 'I will do that one day' and it felt so surreal. Walking,cryingg and on my phone either taking photos or videos, I was near that finish line. I have never felt so happy to think I had accomplished a marathon.

All the stick I got, all the judging that I wouldn't be able to do it, all the pain I went through, it was so worth it, because I actually did it. People may say my time isn't very good, or I didn't try hard enough, but guess what? I no longer care what anyone says, I am proud of myself for the first time in my life.

I really hope the hospital I raised money for, who cared for my Grandad when he had cancer until the day he passed away really appreciates the money and can help others and make them fight cancer. Two days before the marathon was the day my Grandad closed his eyes for the last time and was his one year anniversary, I just knew he would of been watching and shouting at me to carry on going.


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